so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
