We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
