Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
