shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize