I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
