Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize