dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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