I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
