I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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