He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
