Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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