We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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