Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
