well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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