and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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