i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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