we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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