Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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