i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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