In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
