great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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