i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
