Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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