she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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