Don't you send me to vm
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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