You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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