I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
