This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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