how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
