We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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