In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
