Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
