When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
