I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
