as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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