I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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