he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize