I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
