I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
