If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
