That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize