That's intense
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
