My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
