I got chris browned last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
