the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
