ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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