your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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