my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
