Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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