I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
