I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
