We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
