party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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