well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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