I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
