I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
