I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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