I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
