She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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