my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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