this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
