tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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