did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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