My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
